You're in it right now, aren't you?

My grandmother passed away.

It has been very hard on me. At first I really wanted to be strong and mature, and logical. Telling people that it was a good thing, that she didn't suffer, that she lived a long life - that I was happy God took her from her pain. But I have come to realize, however true those things may be, she was my Mimi and she meant a lot to me. I have come to realize that it's okay to cry and that I do need to grieve.

I feel like I am in a surreal state right now, she was the first person I have ever lost that was close to me. It is really weird to think about, and I am sure that when I go to her house, and am at the funeral it will hit me much harder, but I am hoping it will also bring a sense of closing. I feel like Andrew from Garden State, not that I am on anti-depressants by any means, but just that the world is moving around me and I don't know quite how to fit in anymore.

I want to keep from shutting down, I still need to function and go to my classes. It's just really hard, at times I feel like I have cried too much and then at times I feel like I haven't even cried at all. I feel like the Lord is really protecting me though, and comforting me. He has not left me by any means, only become stronger in my life now. He has given me so many people to cling to, my family, boyfriend, and my wonderful roommates.

If you haven't seen Garden State, go rent it.

Sarah